Is this normal?
Erin lives in Kansas City. I live in Los Angeles. We only get to see each other once a month, but that’s the best we can manage. We’re both students, both busy, and both of limited financial means. So, we’re happy to content ourselves to a few days every month. Aside from that, its a life of phone calls and iChat. When we’re together, life is pretty fantastic. I find myself to be more optimistic, more energized, more motivated, more capable, more confident. The skies are, dare I say it, more blue. Thing are just easier.
Last week, Erin was visiting Los Angeles for a few days, after which we both flew to Chicago for the weekend. It was a perfect weekend, as previously noted. After flying in to Los Angeles from Chicago, something happened. Its the same thing that happens every time we part company. Things slow down. The universe gets smaller. My vision grows dimmer. My motivation begins to disipate. It feels as though I’m giving a pint of blood every single day we’re apart, with no cookie.
And its funny, really. It’s not really depression, per se. It’s more a yearning for hibernation. A feeling as if real life is merely on hold, once again. It’s a knowledge that in 61 days we’ll be able to start a new life, together, and that the present is merely prologue. Well, I’m tired of the prologue. I get it. Let’s move on. Let’s cut to the part where I get to hang out with my best friend again, you know?
So, yeah. I just thought I’d throw this out there. I don’t know if I’m communicating this effectively, but I’d be keen on hearing from any married folk out there who may have experienced this sort of phenomenon when spending long spans of time apart. It’s an interesting phenomenon, mos definitely.
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Comments (20)
Juicebox wrote that on Jun 23 08 at 6:04 pmokay, not a ‘married’ yet, but i must say this because it’s written ALL OVER this post.
Andrew is IN love.
hehehee..
Sholeh wrote that on Jun 23 08 at 8:02 pmteehee I’ll second Juicebox’s comment. I’m getting such a kick out of this. Adorable! Are we being helpful? Not at all. But we still love youuuu!
Erin wrote that on Jun 23 08 at 10:58 pmYou described this perfectly. I’m ready for Best Friend time too - complete with blue skies and cookies. 60 days.
Patrick wrote that on Jun 24 08 at 9:37 amAndrew, since none if the rest of your friends are being any help at all, lets see what I can do.
This past weekend, Johanna and I were in Pertland OR, which is gorgeous. She had some business to do, adn I was just along for the ride really, so while she was in meetings, I was hanging out with Misha and Nick, who are great fun, some of my favorite people. Even though I was in a gorgeous place, surrounded by beautiful people, having a “good” time, I was rather depressed all weekend, becasue it felt like I wasnt able to share this amazing weekend fully with the person I wanted to share it with most. I found that smiling was hard. Laughing even harder, and not as heartfelt as usual.I just wasnt myself.
So I can relate…and yes, you are in Love. Keep your chin up, this is all worth it, believe me!
kathy wrote that on Jun 24 08 at 12:19 pmYeah…life is so much better when shared. And so, so, much better when shared with a best friend. Everything is brighter, happier, easier to bear. Let’s face it, life can be kind of a challenge and your love gives you hope. I feel sorry for people who don’t end up marrying their best friends. And then when you have kids, you experience it all over again, seeing things all new through their eyes! Maybe I can send you a box of cookies to ease you through the next 59? days!
cait wrote that on Jun 24 08 at 8:11 pmeach day brings you a little further out of hibernation. (raises goblet in the air). hear, hear.
Mike G wrote that on Jun 25 08 at 9:54 amAnother married person chipping in - Sounds normal to me. Katherine and I did the whole long distance thing before we tied the knot, and it is tough. Especially leading up to the big date, when you can nearly feel the joy of long term commitment. Hang in there! I look back at that time for me and it seemed to go quickly in hindsight.
andrew johnson wrote that on Jun 25 08 at 7:11 pmJinous, Sholeh, you are very, very correct in your assessment.
Erin, I can’t wait.
Patrick, I really appreciate your words, my friend! It’s wonderful to know that I’m not insane, and that others experience the same thing. It’s also good to know that all the discomfort will end up paying off in the end.
Mike, that is very good to hear! The past 60 days have flown by, and I’m sure that the next 60 will go even faster.
Sydnei wrote that on Jun 25 08 at 10:48 pmMy heart goes out to you because I get this feeling just from being away at work for 8 hours (we have alternating schedules). But I have learned from various sources that life must be lived in the moment. The most recent source being on Oprah’s book club “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. He teaches about how the ego loves its resentment of reality and that life is only lived in the moment(the NOW) through acceptance, joy, and enthusiasm.
“Life is the dancer and you are the dance”… Life happens in our experiences, Life and Now are the same thing. These experiences are better digested through little to no ego attachment. We only have this moment, most of what we think of are memories from our past or longing expectations for our future. This thought process of desiring to change the past or future drags us away from life, away from NOW, away from divine concsiousness, away from inspiration, away from LOVE. In this context, Its not what we do, but how we do it, we must stay alert, aware of this inner spaciousness that unifies all creations. Life throws experiences at us and we must deal accordingly (’he’ll never put more on you than you can bear’), this is how the game goes on Earth.
You r meant to be there, she is meant to be there and delight in knowing that you both honor each other in every conscious breath that slays ego’s illusions and distractions. Be joyful because u live n share your love and wisdom with your love moment to moment in ‘hidden’ ways u may not be able to understand in this world, wherever you two are. Accept that now you may be apart but the life that God plans for you continues and draws you closer to ‘His’ Presence. Let this acceptance, joy, and enthusiasm rest in deep in the Presence of God and not the ego.
I know it may not sound soothing, but you two are always together in the Now of consciousness. When at school be one with school, when at work be one with work, desire nothing else but to let it flow in the Now, the true reality from which ‘the peace that surpasses all understanding’ thrives. Let your thoughts be pointers, guiding lights to constructive alertness. “This too shall pass,” I am sooooo proud of you two for following your dreams and soon school will be over and both of you can share a new degree of NOW together! (sorry if it doesn’t make sense or sounds preachy, that was not my intention, I hope it helps:)
Negin wrote that on Jun 26 08 at 11:25 amHa ha - Could it be? Sounds like it! It’s Lester’s evil twin!
andrew johnson wrote that on Jun 30 08 at 12:06 pmSydnei, I’m absolutely loving what you’re saying here. Definitely soothing, not at all preachy.
Negin, can I just say that it makes me incredibly happy that you know the Lester reference? haha!
Mom, seems like just about everybody is reading that book! Maybe I should check it out, too…
Mykgerard wrote that on Jul 06 08 at 12:03 pmI have a few things to say.. some practical and some more mystical.
What is happening right now is that you still have this somewhat separation between the two of you. It is physical, and it is difficult. I’ve done the long distance thing before and ultimately it is difficult but doable as long as you never let it get poisonous by having doubts or jealousy (which I know you are not apt to so it’s a non-issue), but you’ve of course realized that those difficult times apart have ultimately sweetened your times together. They’ve contributed to both of your appreciation of each moment together. The sweet isn’t distinguishable without first knowing sour.
On a spiritual note, make sure you call each other and pray together over the phone each night. It will make you feel connected in a new way.
Once you’ve had the ability to spend a significant time together being married you will in essence become part of one another so that while distance will be difficult you will still have a sense of togetherness, ie.. she will always be with you.
Aaron Brungardt wrote that on Jul 13 08 at 6:59 pmAndrew I love you! your love for your Beloved and your beloved is so very apparent. On this note I am sending you a few quotes, I think you will get my drift….
O Son of Justice!
Whither can a lover go but to the land of his beloved? and what seeker findeth rest away from his heart’s desire? To the true lover reunion is life, and separation is death. His breast is void of patience and his heart hath no peace. A myriad lives would he forsake to hasten to the abode of his beloved.
-Baha’u'llahIn this world we are influenced by two sentiments, Joy and Pain.
Joy gives us wings! In times of joy our strength is more vital, our intellect keener, and our understanding less clouded. We seem better able to cope with the world and to find our sphere of usefulness. But when sadness visits us we become weak, our strength leaves us, our comprehension is dim and our intelligence veiled. The actualities of life seem to elude our grasp, the eyes of our spirits fail to discover the sacred mysteries, and we become even as dead beings.
-’Abdu’l-Baha
abi wrote that on Jul 15 08 at 2:22 ami looked at /wedding. i cried (my eyes are still moist). Ummm…i suspect Erin was the coolest kid on the whole planet. Which explains a lot.
abi wrote that on Jul 15 08 at 2:25 amWith relation to the post, yeah, that’s normal. And here’s something - i’m starting to feel that way, too. Only i have no end date.
Does soemone want to marry me? Please?
Steve Marchbank wrote that on Jul 22 08 at 5:03 pmAndrew….. Yes, it’s normal. My diagnosis is definitely a bad case of ‘love’. So, my advice is take 2 cold showers, and call HER in the morning.
But seriously… (thank you for coming out, and please tip your waitstaff) I can relate to those feelings. My best true advice is to just FEEL THEM. God blessed us with the ability to feel, and many of us go through life wanting to/trying to modulate what we do feel, whether it’s trying to ‘not feel’ the ‘bad’ feelings, or guilt/shame at actually feeling ‘good.
So, feel what you feel! It’s normal. I firmly believe the true prescription or ‘remedy’ is to: 1. Feel your feelings 2. Tell the truth (about them) and 3. Trust God and the process…. which is to say, prayer, talking to God and others, and since this is the 21st Century, I would submit, blog.
Love you man!
Andrew wrote that on Jul 22 08 at 6:32 pmI absolutely love these thoughts, guys. And Steve? I’m definitely working on embracing these feelings, instead of trying to understand them first. It’s all about trust, most definitely. Much love!
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